Falling Out of Focus Page 6

  “Thank you again, Mabellio.”

  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  My brows creased in confusion. “What time is it anyway?”

  “It’s the middle of the night.”

  “Wow, okay. I do need some sleep.”

  “The lights will go out once you’re in bed. Offsemar will turn them out for you. He is our night fairy and the watchman over the village. You’re safe here, Novaleigh. Find peace in that.”

  I pulled down on my sleeves, trying to cover my hands before I crossed them over my chest. “I’ll try.”

  I closed the door and walked up the stairs where an open spacious living room awaited me. It wasn’t just a living room, though, it had a huge canopy bed draped in layers of soft fabric. It looked like a small loft apartment and reminded me of my friend’s place in Soho. The room was a mixture of eclectic and earthy, clean and simple, but homey. It was beautiful. Little white lights were draped in the rafters and lit the room with a soft glow. Mabellio may have been right. I was safe here, or a least I felt like it in this moment.

  I slipped out of my shoes and ran my hands over the fur blanket at the edge of the bed. My eyes were weary just thinking about falling into its coziness. I pulled back the covers and slid into the most perfect bed I think I’d ever slept in. I sighed, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander. I needed to understand how I got here. I needed to retrace my steps that led me to this place––led Gavin and I to this place more accurately.

  Chapter Ten

  The journey home to Scotland had been long and arduous, but I had made it. I was home, well not technically, but certainly the place where my soul sang. I recalled the nightmares that brought me here; Mr. Kline and Ethan...Ethan would call daily begging me to forgive him with grand gestures of his love in the form of floral arrangements. As if flowers could erase the memory of your boyfriend banging his intern. All while Mr. Kline continued to pull strings behind closed doors that continued to leave me on the unemployed list. The hits just kept coming.

  I found out right before I left that Mr. Kline had told everyone I intentionally deceived him regarding the state of the manuscripts I reviewed. According to him, I gave him the worst and passed on the best, selling them to other publishers for cash. A bold face lie if I’d ever heard one. There was one manuscript, which I loved, but was wickedly reprimanded by Mr. Kline for even suggesting it go to print. I loved the story so much that after he declined it and the rejection letter was sent, I made a brief call to a competing agency to let them know the authors name and book title. All I did was simply say “it might be something they should read for themselves.” It was not my fault Kline passed on it and it became a NYT Bestseller. He was the fool, not me.

  However, I only did that once. Mr. Kline was implying I had made a habit of it and took cash for it to boot, and now publishing houses and agents were second guessing whether or not they should hire me. I was officially blackballed for being wise enough to see talent when I read it. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the final shoe––the last of my bad luck. Problem was, that even if it was the end, I was still in the same position. Jobless. So, I packed up and took my mom’s offer and went home to Scotland to get my shit together.

  “Miss, we’re almost here,” the driver said as we turned onto the road toward the main house.

  I was immediately filled with emotion, some joyous, while others were nothing but sorrow. This home and this land would always hold both joy and sorrow for me. So many memories began here and ended here. I hope my mother was right that this place would center me so I could get back on my path.

  The car slowed then stopped just as a mist of rain started to fall on the windshield. “Let me grab an umbrella for you.”

  “That won’t be necessary. I don’t mind getting wet,” I replied as I rummaged for some cash. “Thank you so much for bringing me here.” I paused. “I’m so sorry, I never asked you your name.”

  “Brody Andarsan. Pleased tae meet ye.”

  “Pleased to meet you as well, Mr. Andarsan.”

  “Brody,” said as he helped me out of the backseat.

  “Thank you.”

  “No one has been here in such a long time. Are you kin or have they taken to renting out the place?” he asked as he unloaded my bags from the trunk.

  “Neil and Maureen were my grandparents.” I smiled. “And I’m fairly certain if someone were to try and rent this house, they would come out of the grave to haunt us all.”

  We both laughed and made our way to the porch.

  “Aye, then you must be Novaleigh. The whole town knows of ye.”

  “Oh, well that can’t be good.”

  Brody grinned. “No, your mother and grandparents only spoke well of ye. It’s nice to put a face with the stories.”

  “If you say so,” I said as I handed Brody a handful of cash. “I hope the rest of your day is blessed and not too wet.”

  “Thank ye. Stay dry yourself.”

  I waited until Brody turned the car around and headed back down the road before I removed the brick hiding the key in the stone facing. As I turned the lock, the door opened outward without me doing a thing. What the…

  “Gavin?”

  “Novaleigh!”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, I could ask the same. I thought I was preparing the place for your mom.”

  “Wait, what? Where is your father?”

  “I’ve been helping him out lately,” he said as he moved out of the way to let me in. “What brings you here? I thought you were in New York.”

  I grabbed one of my bags and stepped into the house just as Gavin moved to pick up the other two sitting on the step. “I was but had a few things happen that had me needing to make some changes. I’m just here for a bit.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Gavin said as he set the bags in the hallway.

  I turned and looked at him. It had been years since I’d seen Gavin, and despite the scruffy beard and long hair he was sporting, he looked the same. Deep set crystal-green eyes and dark brown hair with a hint of curl now that it was longer.

  “You’re staring, Novaleigh.”

  I blushed and stepped toward him. “Sorry. I’m just intrigued by this new do of yours.” I reached for his hair. “Weren’t you always against the ragtag look?”

  Gavin moved a bit closer, leaving only an arm’s length distance between us. “Things change and so have I.”

  “Time has a way of doing that.” I sighed.

  “It’s good to see you, Novi.”

  “Good to see you too, Gavin.”

  “I’ve got to be on my way. If you need anything, you know the number.”

  I bit my lip. “Yep. Got it.”

  Gavin turned to leave, and I was right behind him so I could close the door when he walked out, but he stopped short and turned back around. I bumped straight into him, our faces close, too close, at this point.

  “I’ve missed you,” Gavin whispered.

  I stood there, stock still, and unsure of what to say. I mean, I had a lot to say but wasn’t sure of the right words to use to explain how I truly felt.

  “I didn’t really think I’d see you again, but now that you’re here maybe we can have a pint and…you know, catch up.”

  I swallowed hard. “I don’t know, Gavin. I’m kind of screwed up right now, and I don’t know that I’m in a good place mentally for anything. You’d do best to steer clear of me to be honest.”

  “You said that last time too, and yet here we are again at a crossroads.” He kissed me on the cheek. “I think I’ll let fate decide where this is going instead.” He smiled and walked out the door.

  Tears filled my eyes the moment he left. The history between us was long. We grew up knowing one another, remained close friends until the day we crossed that friendship line and tried for something more. In the beginning it was perfect, until it wasn’t. I struggled with us being more. I’d lived in the states when all this started. Su
mmer loves were always romantic but incredibly unrealistic when summers eventually ended and our lives would carry on but never in the same place. We loved each other for sure, but I was convinced we couldn’t last. When my mom and I permanently moved to Scotland, Gavin and I were sophomores in high school. We were young and naïve, and no more than two characters in a romance novel living in a dream. The moment I took off the rose-colored glasses and started to see the relationship for what it was, I got cold feet.

  Mom had moved to Glasgow and taken the professor position she was offered, and Dad was still back in New York doing his usual odd jobs here and there. It was then that I decided to make the move to New York. I thought if I had one more summer with Gavin I could ease out of “us”, but that wasn’t how it all happened. Gavin had made plans for us––permanent ones.

  I would go with him to the University of Glasgow. I’d be close to my mom and we’d be together. I don’t know that I can really say why I left like a chicken shit and ran back to New York without saying goodbye, other than I wanted to rebel against anything and anyone who wanted to control my choices. I was angry at my parents. Mad that my world had to be flipped on its axis because they couldn’t get along. It was stupid and selfish, but that’s what we are when we’re in our late teens. We think we know everything but we don’t. We’re clueless. I had to learn the hard way. I wanted my lessons served with sharp, jagged edges. I started at NYU and pretended that Gavin and I were just nothing more than a young crush. I told myself that lie every day for the next seven years. Then I met Ethan, and well, we all know how well that worked out.

  Gavin, according to my nanna, was heartbroken when I left and moved to Glasgow anyway to get his degree in business management. My grandparents were close with his family, so whenever I talked to them, they’d make sure to fill me in on Gavin’s life, and I can only assume they filled him in on mine. Though, back then, I doubted he cared very much, since I’d hurt him so badly. However, the way he acted just now towards me has me wondering.

  My nanna always said Gavin was the one who saw the real me and cherished it; that he was my querencia. At the time, I dismissed her notions, but as I dated other men and moved on through life’s challenges, I realized that she may have been right. Gavin had always been there for me, was always a constant I could count on, and I foolishly dismissed him as a childish love. Truth be told, he meant way more than that to me, I was just never honest enough with myself to admit it. Odd how fate has brought me once again into his path and at yet another crossroad in my life.

  A knock at the door startled me. “Novi, it’s me. I forgot to open the chimney flue, and I don’t want you to be smoked out of the house tonight,” Gavin said through the closed door.

  I wiped my eyes from the tears that were dampening my cheeks and unlocked the door. “Thank you. You know I would’ve stood there dumbfounded, trying to figure it out.”

  He laughed. “Maybe I should’ve left it then, and you would’ve had to call me to save you.” I grinned and shook my head as he moved towards the drawing room. “But then again, I know how much you hate the idea of needing to be saved and spared us both the frustration.”

  I shook my head slowly, knowing that is exactly how I would have felt. “Then I guess my thank you will have to suffice then.”

  Gavin gave a clipped nod and then moved to open the flues in the rest of the house. When he opened the other two he turned to look at me. “Why have you been crying?”

  “I––I haven’t been.”

  “You stutter when you lie.”

  I sighed. “This house. You. The memories within these walls. Pick one, they’re all catalysts.”

  “I get the other things, but why me?”

  “Because, I’m sorry Gavin. Sorry I hurt you all those years ago. You didn’t deserve it.”

  I think Gavin was taken aback by my words because now it was he who was stammering for something to say. “Guess that was just our destiny or fate or whatever they call it,” he replied as he headed for the door. “Don’t let the memories of any of this drown you, Novi. Our lives have unfolded as intended––life, death, love, loss, they are all part of it.”

  Tears spilled from my eyes. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Gavin turned to look at me. “Whatever has brought you here can be healed, you just have to let yourself be vulnerable enough to allow it.” He turned the handle and walked out the door without another word, leaving me shattered.

  I could see in his eyes the desire to comfort me, but his pain held him in place. Maybe I’m the problem. Had I pushed Ethan away too and into the arms of his intern? Was my resistance to not wanting to be controlled the reason I was now jobless too? It’s not unreasonable to believe I was the cause of all my problems. My pride and my ego were often in my way, but I could argue it’s in most twenty-five-year olds way, right? Don’t we all believe we have the world by the balls until something happens to show us otherwise? I locked the door again, sure that Gavin wouldn’t be returning tonight and took my bags to the upstairs guest room.

  Two and a half glasses of wine and a lingering fire had a way of warming the soul, well, not really, but at this point I could convince myself of anything. In reality, all I’d managed to do was dull the pain that wanted to consume me. Gavin’s words had opened old wounds. Little fissures cracking and splitting, threatening to release all I’ve tried so hard to contain. I’m breaking even though I know I can’t allow it. I must be strong. My emotions need to hold. This is just another moment in time. Another road to travel. These past few weeks would not define me anymore than my past would. I made choices, not always the right ones, but I made choices, and now here I am face to face with some of them.

  A knock at the door woke me, and I stumbled out of bed and down the stairs to the door. When I opened it there were four fae women holding trays filled with food and drink.

  “Good morrow, miss. We bring you nourishment and good tidings this day,” the tallest one said with a cheerful grin.

  “Yes, and information about your friend,” the blonde one blurted.

  “He is well,” the ginger haired one interrupted. “Sir Oliver said to bring you over to the clinic once you were finished eating and ready for the day.” She smiled wide.

  I chuckled and stepped aside for them to enter. “This is very kind of you. It smells delicious.”

  “You must eat everything or else we cannot take you out,” the last fae woman said in a shy but loud whisper.

  “Okay, then I guess I better get started.” I sat down at the mushroom shaped wooden table. “What do we have here?” I asked as I smelled the drink in the leaf cup.

  “Fairy wine,” they exclaimed.

  “Oh no! Not touching that. Last night I didn’t do so well on your fairy wine.”

  They frowned. “I guess we can make an exception,” the tall one said as she snapped her fingers at the blonde. “Go get some blueberry juice. That will be perfect instead.”

  In an instant the blonde changed into her true size and flitted off to grab the juice.

  “You didn’t have to do that. I was fine with all this.” I smiled.

  “”Blueberry juice will cure all that ails, miss.”

  I sighed. “All right. Fair enough.” I started to eat the biscuits and berries and closed my eyes when the flavors burst in my mouth. “Oh my gosh, this is heavenly.”

  The fae women collectively beamed.

  The blonde returned shortly thereafter, carrying a glass bottle filled with a bright purple liquid. “Sorry I took so long. I had to squeeze you a fresh batch,” she said as she handed it to me. “I hope you like it.”

  “I can assure you that if it’s anything like the food you all have brought, I will love it,” I replied as I took the bottle from her.

  The four fairies tidied the room as I got my act together. They didn’t have mirrors here, but I did my best to make myself feel presentable. I felt like a truck hit me, but there was no time to dwell on that. I wanted to get to the clinic and
check on Gavin. I think it’s time to try and explain to him why I treated him the way I did all those years ago. I thanked the fae women again as I headed down the stairs and out the door. I hoped Gavin was awake and ready to see me like he was when I first got home to Scotland. However, at this point, all I had was hope.

  Chapter Eleven

  When I walked down the corridor to where I’d last seen Gavin, my hands began to shake. Why was I so nervous? It was Gavin for crying out loud. The person who knew me best in this world. The closer I got, the slower I walked. You can do this. The clinic was buzzing today with fae––men and women, human sized and fairy sized alike. They were not busy with patients but rather were working in groups to make what look like medicine. Flowers and roots were being cut and crushed into powders and gels, while others were being held over small flames. Wow. I guess this really is a hospital of sorts.

  I continued to walk until I found where Gavin and Oliver were. He must’ve been well enough to move him because they were both sitting in a well-lit room with couches and chairs.

  “Hi,” I said to them both .

  “Good morning, Novi,” Oliver replied.

  Gavin looked up at me and then turned away. My palms starting sweating. This was the reception I expected from him in Scotland, but no, instead, I got to experience his cold shoulder now, here in this bizarre place. You deserve anything and everything he gives you.

  “It’s good to see you up and around, Gavin,” I struggled. “And how are you this morning, Oliver?”

  “I’m well,” Oliver replied as he took a sip from the cup in front of him. “You still look tired.”

  “I slept some,” I said as I fidgeted with my shirt and looked for a place to sit, or if I was truthful, hide.

  Oliver took another sip of his drink and then stood. “I think I’ll go get some rest myself. I’m certain you two have a lot to talk about,” he said before he took his leave.