Falling Out of Focus Page 13

  I smiled. “You remembered.”

  She inclined her head with a grin.

  “What brings you here?” I asked as Gavin excused himself to put on some clothes.

  “You. Are you ready for today?”

  “Oh. So we’re starting right away?”

  She looked at me inquisitively. “Are you not the one who said you were ready to leave?”

  “Um, yes,” I stammered. “I did.”

  “Something changed?”

  “I’m at peace here in Hortus, and I’m afraid of changing anything to upset that.”

  She nodded. “Change is inevitable, Novi.”

  “I know, but I haven’t felt like this in a very long time, and I wanted to enjoy it for a minute or two.”

  Beira stood silent for a moment. “Very well. I can grant you that, but when I return next time, this won’t be an option. Agreed?”

  I nodded quickly. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” She smiled. “Feel free to roam about. Nothing will harm you or come after you here, Novi. You’re safe to just be, but please know, the longer you are here, the more soul searching you may encounter. This part of Sacrife is magical in that way, nothing anyone says or does can change that, it just is.”

  “Okay.”

  “If and when you do find something, please face it head on. You’ve come too far not to,” Beira said as she turned to leave. “Embrace the journey.”

  I smiled back at her. She already knew what I was going to face but didn’t want to say, I knew it and could feel it in my soul. I’d take her challenge and see her one beyond it. You hope. “No, I know.”

  “You know what?” Gavin asked as he toweled off his wet hair. “Where is Beira?”

  “She left. You and I are free to roam the land. Care to go on a grand adventure?”

  “With you,” he teased. “Nah.”

  “Jerk,” I laughed as I chased him back into the bedroom.

  We fell onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs that eventually led to an epic pillow fight. I had no idea how or why, the things in this cottage were exactly like they would be in my and Gavin’s world, but I assumed it had something to do with Beira and Dermot’s magic and their wanting us to feel at home and comfortable here. Problem was, their world was becoming too comfortable. The perfect retreat from the world I so desperately wanted to escape. I was serious when I told Gavin I wanted to stay here. There weren’t any demons or shitty choices here, just happiness and freedom. I was free––finally.

  Chapter TwentyTwo

  We walked through the village and beyond its limits into the forest. The trees were lush and thick with dark and pale green leaves. The trunks were larger than a man could wrap his arms around, and the bark was aged and weathered with knots and layers showing its age and trials. They stood like statues, but the rustle of the leaves soothed the soul as the wind blew across the branches. The sound was perfect––tranquil. There were trees like this near my grandparents’ house too. Gavin and I used to go out there on those warm summer days and lie against the roots. There was no other sound like that of being one with the earth. It was like the ancients intended. I thought back to the stories my Pappa used to tell about the old gods and their connection to nature. It was the reason he chose the plot of land he did. It called to him, and he knew that was where he would spend the rest of his days.

  I know when they found him that day he’d been out for a walk. I can only hope he was in his favorite spot by the water’s edge when the stroke decided to claim him. I did a lot of reading about strokes once he passed. I needed to know why that was the way his body decided to give out. Had Nanna been with him he may have had a chance of some recovery, but then again, living debilitated would’ve killed him too. Maybe a quick and painless death was a blessing. I know he would’ve considered the other alternative a curse.

  I ran my hands along the tree bark and felt the rough, furrowed edges and said a little prayer to the man who made me believe in something bigger than myself. Thank you, Pappa for your love and guidance. I’m sorry I disappointed you with my choices as of late, but maybe I’ll get the chance to turn that around and make things right here soon. I love you, Pappa. I hope you’re in your heaven and taking long lazy naps with the spring air blowing across the cool water and bouncing off the trees. I hope you and Nanna are dancing in the rays of sunlight like you used to when I was a kid. Peace and love to you, Pappa. Peace and love.

  I jumped when the wood beneath my fingers twisted and moved. I ran over to Gavin and we both watched as the bark on the tree shifted into a weathered face and yawned before it spoke.

  “I had hoped I would see you while you were on this journey.”

  My hands shook and my heart began to race. It wasn’t possible. Not even remotely. Have you forgotten where you are, Novi? Everything here does things that aren’t possible. My brain struggled, but my heart settled when he spoke again.

  “Star light, star bright, have ye seen my little Novi tonight? I wish I may, I wish I might, have a hug from my sweet girl this night.”

  “Pappa,” I whispered.

  I heard Gavin gasp under his breath. “I’ll be damned.”

  “It’s good to see you two together again. Your nanna and I always knew ye were destined to be. She saw it in the tea leaves more times than I can count, said ye two were flames or somethin’ like that.”

  I laughed through sniffles and ran back to the tree, wrapping my arms around it as best I could. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed ye too, Novi.”

  “I have so much to ask you and so much I want to say.”

  “Tut-tut-tut. Nonsense. I won’t hear of anything if it involves apologies. There is nothin’ here to ask forgiveness for. I died, Novi. That was the normal course of nature. Ye had nothing to do with that. I died peacefully. At first I thought of ye and your mum, then I briefly thought of your dad…he and I had a lot of unfinished business, but I still thought of how proud I was of him, after all, he gave me ye. My final thoughts, though, were for my Maureen. She was ma whole world. I was sad I’d be leavin’ her but knew I’d always be with her in spirit.”

  Tears rolled down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them.

  “Naw cryin’. I want to see that smile of ye’s,” the face in the tree said as the bark eyebrows furrowed. “Gavin?”

  “Yes, sir,” he responded quickly, still taken aback by the talking tree. I could feel his hands trembling as he held mine.

  “Ye takin’ care of me girl?”

  Gavin swallowed hard. “I wasn’t for a long time, Mr. Darrow, but I do plan to never let that happen again.”

  The tree’s face went from concerned to happy with the twisting of the bark. “Good. That is all I needed to hear. I’ll be watching ye too, Nanna and I both. Take care of each other. Love until ye heart bursts from it, Novi. Stop fearing everything, it’s part of ye’s journey.” The face contorted once more. “I must go now. Talk to me in the forest. I will always hear ye there.”

  “Please don’t go.”

  “A love ye, Novi,” he replied just as the tree went back to its natural state. I laid my forehead where he’d just been and whispered back. “I love you too, Pappa.”

  I sobbed into the tree for a while and Gavin just held me, giving me the moments I needed to come to terms with what just happened. When I finally turned to face him, he gave me a sad smile. “I really don’t know what to think of this place, but since it gave you back to me, I’ll accept it with all of its quirks.” I laughed through my tears and he wiped my eyes. “It’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay,” he concluded.

  I nodded and laid my head on his chest, his arms wrapping around my body in a protective hug. “Can we go home now?” I said into his shirt.

  “Home home or back to the cottage?”

  I looked up at him, his lips tipped in a grin. “The cottage.”

  Gavin intertwined our fingers and we headed back through the forest and into the c
learing where the village gates stood. The gates had changed since we’d left this morning. They were no longer covered in moss and vines, but were now blooming with spectacular roses in all of my favorite colors. I smiled and knew just who had made it possible. Thank you, Pappa.

  When I was twelve, he built a greenhouse out of old windows and doors. It was his way of bringing my favorite fairytale to life. He gave Nanna a library and me, the roses. My heart swelled thinking of the love he had to give. Today was painful, but it was a blessing too. I was grateful to have had the chance to experience them both.

  As we made our way through the gates, Dermot and Demile were waiting to greet us. “How was your walk?”

  “Blessed.”

  Dermot inclined his head with a slight grin. “Hortus has a way of blessing us each and every day. Would you and Gavin care to join us? There is someone to whom we’d like you to meet.”

  I looked over at Gavin. “We’d be happy to,” he replied for both of us.

  “This way,” Dermot gestured.

  Chapter TwentyThree

  It took some time to get to where we were going, and even then I was still lost as to where we were. Dermot and Demile had been gracious in trying to talk to us about this and that, but I could hardly pay attention. I just wanted to know where we were headed and why I kept hearing an annoying tinking sound. They all said they heard nothing and that maybe I was just hearing fairy chimes. It’s not damn fairy chimes. What the hell are fairy chimes anyway?

  “Here we are,” Dermot announced.

  Demile stopped at the bottom of a stone staircase that was covered in dense green clumps of flowerless plants and grass. It curved slightly on its way upwards until it ended at an enchanted looking cottage.

  “Up there?” I pointed.

  “Yes,” Demile replied.

  I took a deep breath and tugged on Gavin’s arm.

  “Sorry, Novaleigh, but this visit is for you only. Gavin needs to stay here with us.”

  “But…”

  “We will keep him company, not to worry.”

  I gave Gavin a confused glance, but he nodded in the direction of the cottage. “You’ve got this. I’ll be here waiting.”

  “It’s an empty forest. What are you all going to do?”

  Dermot grinned and waved his hand in a circular motion until a portal opened. The watery circle expanded and spread out until a target range appeared. “Care to try your hand at archery?”

  “Yeah,” Gavin exclaimed as if he were a twelve year old boy.

  “Wait! Before you guys go off to play like kids, care to explain what I’m supposed to be doing? You said ‘visit’. Who am I supposed to be visiting?”

  “The weaver,” Demile offered. “She requested your presence. Said it was of great importance.

  “The weaver,” I repeated as if saying it again was going to clarify who in the hell this person was.

  “You needn’t fear her. She will guide you to the answers you seek, and when you are finished, you will know which path you are intended to take.”

  I stared at Demile blankly. I had wanted to go home since I arrived, and now I felt content. The idea that this “weaver” was going to upset my happiness had me feeling anxious. I didn’t want to go up those stairs. I didn’t want anything to change. Change sucks!

  “But it is inevitable,” a voice behind me spoke.

  “Beira?”

  She smiled and waved me up. “Stop fearing and start hoping. You may just be surprised by the outcome.”

  I swallowed hard and took the first step, then the second, and so on. When I reached the top, I looked down at Gavin, Dermot, and Demile who all were giving me encouraging looks. I gave them a quick wave and followed Beira into the cottage.

  “This place looks like it belongs in a Grimm fairytale movie. I love all the paned windows.”

  Beira laughed. “Just through the archway there you will find the weaver. When you are finished, we will all be waiting for you.”

  I bit my lip and nodded as Beira closed the door. Inside was quaint and looked like the home of someone who prided themselves on preserving nature. There were bundles of herbs hanging from the rafters in the ceiling, along with flowering plants set on round tables. There was also a built-in bookshelf against the far wall with all sorts of knickknacks. Crystals in varying shapes and sizes, glass bottles labeled and filled with different colored objects. There were also all kinds of old, tattered books lining the shelves above the jars. The smell was a mixture of rosemary and sage, but there were also ones that I couldn’t recognize by scent alone. A portly grey cat stretched in the wide sill of the window before it curled into a ball, letting the sun warm it.

  “I’m in here,” a woman’s voice called out.

  I followed the sound and found an older woman with ginger and grey hair sitting in a rocking chair, knitting.

  “Hello,” I said softly.

  “Hello, Novaleigh. Have a seat,” she said as she pointed to the chair across from her. “My name is Oona. It’s a pleasure to see you in person.” I gave her a quizzical look. “I’ve seen you in my dreams.” She smiled and continued knitting.

  I sat down in the chair, all the while staring at the woman across from me. My mom’s name sounded almost the same, and her hair color was similar too, yet something about her was very different. It seemed like I was viewing my mom through a hazy filter. I couldn’t stop staring. I thought about everyone while I was here in Sacrife, but I’d yet to think of her––until now. I was so close to her and yet she’d not been my first thought. I wondered why. Too painful, maybe? I didn’t know, but it didn’t really matter. I was here, in this moment, with a water colored version of her.

  “You hadn’t thought of your mom because she has been with you all throughout this journey, guiding you––her and your nanna.”

  “You can hear my thoughts like Beira, huh?”

  She winked.

  “How do you? Never mind,” I quickly added.

  “You ever knit?” Oona asked as she leaned over and handed me needles and some yarn. “It’s good for the mind and the soul,” she added before I even had a chance to respond.

  She stood and showed me how to start and make a slip knot and how to cast on, as she called it. I was totally confused but after a few more tries, I was knitting a tiny bit. Oona continued on with her lesson until I had made a row. “There you go, see now, you’re knitting. You’re a natural it seems,” Oona said as she sat back down and resumed her own project.

  “What am I making?”

  “I think we should start off small with a tea cozy, and then we can move on to bigger and better things.”

  I nodded and went back to my stitches. I’m not sure how long we sat there in silence, but it seemed like forever. I wanted to ask why I was here, but I didn’t want to be the first to speak. And though she could hear my thoughts, she gave me nothing that would help answer my confusion. We continued on in silence.

  “Why did you go to the bridge that day, Novaleigh?” Oona finally spoke.

  My needles made a clink. Hey, was that the sound I’d heard walking here? No, focus, Novi. Lie or tell the truth? Truth always. Shit, she can read my thoughts, of course––the truth, or she’ll know you’re lying.

  “I went for a walk, and then I thought I saw something in the water and walked closer to the edge to see. That’s all.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yes. I saw an otter once and thought I saw two in the water so I looked. I had no idea that there was loose rock beneath my feet. I slipped a bit, but I caught myself.”

  “Did you really?”

  My shoulders dropped. “What are you implying?”

  “I’m not implying anything. I just want to make sure you are being completely honest with yourself. Had you not been thinking about how bad the world felt to you with everything that transpired over the past few months?”

  “Yes, but not to the degree you’re implying.”

  “So you really don’t know wha
t happened to you that day?”

  “That is what happened. I was on the bridge near my grandparent’s house and thought I saw two otters playing in the water, I went to look, slipped and somehow landed here in Sacrife. Being here is the only confusing part. I have no idea how I ended up in a magical land filled with fae and monsters.” I blurted, my frustration reaching a boiling point. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude, but all of this,” I waved my hands around, “and you and this place. It’s craziness.”

  “I agree, but it’s all your creation, Novaleigh. Your design.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m a weaver. I’m what is connecting this world to the world you come from. My purpose is to show you your choices.”

  I sat in silence as she continued on.

  “You came here on your own accord. That day, you did slip and fall, but that is not all that happened. You hurt yourself and Sacrife has been your escape, but now you have a choice to make, stay here or choose to return to life. Here you’re only existing. Once they turn the machines off, it will be up to you where you want to be.”

  My mind went wild. Suddenly, I was thrust into two realities. The air around me was cool and dry. It was dusk when I went out for a walk, and I felt a little shaky after the wine––after seeing Gavin. The moon had yet to show itself and the sunset was my favorite shades of pink, purple, and blue. I wanted to see the water. I’d hoped it would soothe me the way it used to. My mind shifted to Gavin and me and us going out on the weekends to see if we could spot the otters. Usually we saw them by the house we’d hoped to live in someday. Then, I met Winston and Oliver here in Sacrife. The tinking sound was there again in the distance. I fell. The water was so cold. I saw the blood and felt as though I was drowning. My head hurt. My body ached everywhere, and my vision was blurry. What happened? Where was I?

  “She needs an MRI. Get all the blood work I requested, and call her next of kin.”

  “Yes, doctor.”

  People were scurrying about, and I was so cold. Someone put a blanket on me, and I wanted to thank them, but I couldn’t speak. Maybe I’d spoken and they didn’t hear me because they were so busy. I was in a tunnel. A loud thumping tunnel with music playing in the background. I could hear voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was broken and sing-songy like the twin queens. They’re here. My hair was pink. No, not pink. Stained with blood and tinted that hue. Where was I?