Falling Out of Focus Page 10

  I looked up at him lazily. “I think I have loved you since the first time we made out in the barn, and I never stopped.”

  “But you left me, Novi. You told me you needed more in your life besides a relationship. Correction. I heard from your nanna that you needed more because you were too much of a coward to tell me yourself.”

  There wasn’t any anger in his voice like there was when I said goodbye to him in Cadent. No, this was more sadness and grief.

  “You’re right. I was a coward and a fool. You were…no are…my best friend. The one I want to tell everything to, but I was too stupid to see all of that. Too selfish. You are my biggest regret, and if I could go back to that moment and change it, I would.” I closed my eyes again and rested my head back on his bare chest.

  “I don’t know what to say to that, Novi.”

  “I don’t expect you to say anything. I screwed up, and now I’m dying. The best I can hope for is that before I pass you can forgive me. I never meant to hurt you, and I know I did. I hurt us both.”

  Gavin lifted my chin so our eyes could meet. “You are not dying. I won’t allow it.”

  I gave him a sad smile. “It’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” he said as his lips touched mine. “I love you, too. I always have.”

  Our kiss deepened, and warmth began to spread over my body. Was this real? Was Gavin really kissing me? Had he really just said he loved me too and always had? Wait, I said that. Novaleigh you have become a trickster. You’re mind so splintered and fractured that fantasy and reality are intertwined into an intricate web of wants and desires with no truth to connect them.

  My body burned for his touch. I wanted us to be together the way we used to. I needed his caress until my body was his in every way. Chills ran over me as his hand slid down between us, finding the spot he loved best. For being the nerdy boy growing up, he always knew the perfect way to bring me to climax––every time and with minimal effort, too. All those high school girls who dismissed him because they couldn’t see past his goofy quirkiness would never know how much of an amazing and giving lover he was. Their loss. Gavin was a hot, sexy nerd. The best kind.

  A moan escaped my body as he continued to let his fingers delve in and out of me. “Gods I’ve missed you, Novi,” he breathed into my mouth as he broke our kiss.

  “Is this real? Am I dreaming?”

  “This is not a dream.”

  “Thank god, because I need you, Gavin.” I let my hand run down his chest, until I felt him hard against my hand. Gavin groaned as I let my fingers trail the length of him.

  “I want to be inside you, Novi.”

  Dream or no, I wanted that too. If I was dying and this was the last thing I’d experience, then he and I together would be the one thing I wanted before I found my peace.

  I moved on top of him and he slid inside, gentle at first, but as the intensity of our movements increased, our bodies melded together in perfect unison. We moved as one as if no time had passed between us. Our love and connection was in every kiss, every move of my hips. All we needed was one another. Our passion built into an intoxicating mixture of lust and devotion. Ever since our first time, we were bound to one another, mind, body, and soul. I was the only thing that broke that connection. In this moment, I believed that maybe redemption was possible. Gavin had seen the ugly in me and loved me in spite of it. Maybe it wasn’t too late for me––for us.

  We both cried out as we found our release and remained motionless for a few moments until the waves of passion subsided. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want this perfect dream to end.

  Gavin kissed me gently as I moved to lay beside him. I once again curled into his arms, a seamless fit, and closed my eyes. I could die now.

  “I will love you always, Gavin. Always,” I said sleepily.

  He hugged me tighter and mumbled into my hair. “Always is a very long time. You sure you can promise that, Novi?”

  I looked up at him. “I can now.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  I was so tired, my mind drifting from alert to asleep as I lay in Gavin’s arms.

  “Wake up, Novi,” he said as he ran his hands up and down my arms, warming them with the friction. “Stay with me.”

  “I’m awake,” I slurred.

  “Then open your eyes and look at me.”

  As I opened my eyes, Gavin smiled. He, however, was not the only thing to catch my eye. The sky behind him was varying shades of orange, pink, and purple. “Where are we? Where is all the snow?” I tried to move but Gavin held me close.

  “It’s all right. You’re safe.”

  “Where is The White?” My hands started to shake and my voice trembled. “The warden? Lithia?”

  “Shhh, shhh, shhh. You’re safe. I told you. Oliver and I saved you. You fell into the water below the bridge and we pulled you out––brought you here.”

  “To where?” I looked around hesitantly.

  “We’re just inside the boundary of Hortus. Oliver said we would be safe here until he returned.”

  “Not safe. We are not safe. I thought I was safe with the elven fae but they’re all gone––dead because of me.”

  “Novi, that wasn’t your fault. The Lunatishee killed them, not you.”

  “If I had not been in their village, they would still be alive,” I cried.

  “Novi, I need you to focus on you getting well. You almost died.”

  “I did die.” Tears streamed down my face. “Where is Oliver?”

  “He had to go to his burrow to get you some medicine.” Medicine? My mind was swimming. I already knew where Oliver had gone, but then again, did I? I’d heard it in my dream, but now that Gavin was saying it, it seemed real.

  “I don’t understand, Gavin.”

  “You’ve been out of it, Novi. Wavering between conscious and unconscious. You were half frozen and we tried everything to revive you. Oliver even used the crystal you had around your neck, but nothing was working. He said he knew of something that would help but it was at his home and that he’d be back soon.”

  I reached for the crystal around my neck and indeed found it gone. I then looked down between Gavin and me, only to realize we were naked. Gavin blushed. “Sorry, it was the only way I knew how to warm you up. You know––body heat.”

  My face suddenly felt hot. “So you and I, that wasn’t a dream?”

  He shook his head no.

  “And you and I––all that we talked about last night––that really happened?”

  He kissed me. One peck and then another. “It really happened,” he said as his hands caressed my cheek. “I don’t want to ever be without you again.”

  I sobbed into his next kiss. “I’m so sorry for everything. I made so many mistakes, and I know I’ll never be able to make up for them, but if you’ll let me, I’d like to spend the rest of my days trying.”

  He didn’t respond with words.

  Our bodies were once again intertwined, except this time I was remembering it all. Each touch, every kiss, the feel of his hands as they roamed over my body––mine over his. I was mentally recording every single second of us together. Not that I needed to, since it seems Gavin and I were on the same page about starting over, but just in case I was still dreaming, I focused on every delicious detail.

  I don’t know how long Gavin and I enjoyed being lost in one another, but as the sun kissed the tops of the great trees I was feeling a bit better even though my skin felt hot. You just had sex...duh.

  I moved to get up, but Gavin wouldn’t let me walk around. He said that I may be coherent and more alert, but my skin was still too white for his comfort level. And with all we’d just done, he wanted to wait until Oliver gave me his medicine before he’d be totally confident I was well enough to be up and around.

  A rustling in the distance startled us both, and Gavin moved to shield me from whatever it was. The bushes at the foot of the trees separated and out came Oliver carrying an extra-large satchel over
his shoulder. Good grief, how much medicine did I need? Gavin covered me so none of my flesh was showing as Oliver drew closer.

  Oliver looked at us both skeptically. “What is this?” he demanded.

  “You told me we needed to get her temperature up. This is how humans do that,” Gavin replied.

  “I see.” Oliver dropped the bag over his shoulder and let it hit to the ground with a thud. “Well, you are alone no longer. Please put on some garments so I may be around you both,” he huffed.

  Oliver turned around, and Gavin moved to put on his pants and a shirt that he’d been using to rest his head on. It was covered in a bit of dirt and leaves, but he didn’t seem to care. “Oliver?” Gavin paused. “Novi’s clothes were ruined. Between the battle she endured and almost drowning, well, she doesn’t have anything to wear.”

  Oliver didn’t turn, instead just slipped the knot on the bag and pulled out a pale green dress. He handed it over his shoulder to Gavin. “This should do for now. When we get to the village in Hortus, Freylar, can make her a garment of her choosing.”

  “Thank you, Oliver,” I said as Gavin handed the dress to me. “I appreciate you bringing it to me and for saving me.” Oliver crossed his arms in front of his chest, still with his back facing me. “I’m serious. I know I’ve been nothing but trouble to you since I’ve arrived.”

  I pulled the dress over my head and walked over to Oliver and hugged him tightly from behind, kissing his furry face until he was pushing me away. “All right, all right. I get it. You’re grateful.”

  I swayed a bit and Gavin caught me, lowering me gently back to the makeshift bedding.

  “See, I told you weren’t ready to be up and around.”

  Gavin felt my head and turned to give Oliver a poignant look. “She’s hot.”

  Oliver rushed to my other side and unwrapped a woven bag. “Novaleigh, I am going to give you some medicine. It is an ancient remedy handed down from my mother’s side. It’s always been tried and true.”

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  “You have a fever, Novaleigh. We need to get it down. You survived The White, but its effects have taken a toll on your body. This is a mixture of herbs in combination with a clear quartz.”

  As Oliver used the crystal point to crush the herbs in an iridescent shell, I closed my eyes. I could smell cinnamon and bay leaves. They were scents I knew, but I don’t think I’d ever smelled them mixed together. They did, however, remind me of my nanna’s cooking.

  “How will this mixture help, Oliver? It smells like something I should be putting in a stew.”

  He shook his head and laughed. “Is she always like this, Gavin?”

  “Yes. She finds humor in lots of normal everyday boring things.”

  “Hey,” I said as I smacked him on the shoulder.

  “No, it’s cute.”

  Oliver looked between the two of us. “So when did you two come to terms?”

  “Just recently.” I blushed.

  Oliver nodded. “I see.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” Gavin asked.

  “No, it’s about time actually,” he said as he finished wrapping the crystal. “Everyone but you two could see it.”

  “See what?” I played stupid.

  “The love between you,” Oliver said with a raised brow. “I know you know it. Both of you.”

  “I guess it takes almost losing someone to realize what you have,” Gavin admitted.

  “Well, I hope you two have realized how stupid that is. Waiting until something terrible happens to decide to face your truth is only punishing yourself. If you lost one another, the pain would be far worse than the guilt or pride you were feeling by staying apart, would it not?”

  I pursed my lips. What could I say to that? Oliver was right. I should’ve told Gavin a long time ago how I really felt––owned up to everything. Instead, we lost years apart because I was too obstinate. Since I arrived in Sacrife, I didn’t understand why, but now I’m beginning to understand. I hit rock bottom and the only place I can go now is up, but only if I choose it.

  My body felt odd. I was so hot. Sweat was beading on my forehead and my teeth started to chatter. Panic set it and Oliver reached for my hand. “It’s part of the process, Novi. When you wake in the morning you’ll be better.”

  “But it’s morning now,” I said between breaths.

  “I know and I’m sorry. The medicine will take some time to work, Novi. The cinnamon will begin to heat you from the inside and the bay leaf will help to purge your body of the fever. It’s the only way to get you beyond The White’s sickness.”

  Gavin moved so he could hold me. “And what does the crystal do? The last one didn’t work.”

  “It amplifies everything around it. Just make sure to keep it on her forehead. It will draw on all the other elements within and heal her from the inside out,” Oliver sighed. “And the other crystal did work, Gavin. When it exploded, it created a dome around you both, shielding you from the outside. The moonlight charged it to keep you hidden by everyone other than those who hold favor with the queens.”

  “But I never held favor with them,” Gavin said as he held my quivering hands.

  Oliver smiled. “You did the moment you chose to save Novaleigh over yourself. Una and Uphren bound you to Novi with that act.”

  “Oh, God.” I stuttered. “So. If. I. Die. He will. Too?”

  “No, not that kind of bound. You two have never known it, but you are twin flames. Your love is timeless and beyond all realms and worlds. Blessed by the Great Mother herself.” Oliver smiled. “You both showing up here was no accident. You are two pieces of the same whole––one negative and one positive. Energy constantly flowing between you.”

  “I don’t understand,” Gavin admitted.

  “Have you ever felt her pain or happiness even when you were apart?”

  Gavin looked down at me. “Yes. Even now.”

  “And what about you, Novaleigh?”

  I nodded wearily.

  “You two rest. I will keep watch,” Oliver said as he took the moss blanket and laid it over us. “You will need to, now more than ever, draw on one another for strength. We still have hurdles to climb before we are able to breathe easy."

  “Thank you, Oliver,” Gavin replied.

  Oliver smiled but didn’t respond. Instead he walked over to the extra-large satchel and pulled out a quiver full of arrows and flung them over his shoulder. I wanted to ask what he needed them for, but my eyelids grew heavy, and in moments I was asleep.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I woke in a rush, the same way I had the night the elven village was attacked. Why am I always asleep when things are happening around me? There was screaming and again heat––as if my skin was on fire––Oh God! I sat up and called out for Gavin and Oliver but there was no answer, only the loud screeching sound that accompanied the Lunatishee. I flipped off the blanket and ran around hoping to find them, but nothing. I was alone. Had they left me? Worse?

  My heart was racing as I ran into the darkness. Oh no, it’s nighttime and I wasn’t supposed to wake until the morning with Oliver’s medicine. What went wrong? I tripped over a log and stumbled on the ground, trying to gain my footing so I could run again, but instead I felt moisture on my feet. My toes were tipping the edge of an embankment, and I froze in place. It wasn’t cold like the stream in The White, instead it felt warm like bath water. I strained my eyes and gasped when a ray of moonlight shone from the pitch of the night.

  The water was not water at all, it was blood red. Just like the one I’d seen in The White. My body was shaking as I tried to step back but ran into something hard.

  “You didn’t think you could escape us that easily, did you?” a deep menacing voice taunted in my ear. “I told you that you were the one I was looking for.” The warden ran his hands through my hair but then yanked it to wrench my neck backwards. I cried out and he laughed. “Weakness. It’s what you are.”

  Tears were streaming down my
face as I tried to tamp down the fear clouding all rational thought. “What do you want? Why me?”

  “Why do you ask such stupid questions? You are selfish and have let down so many people. You must be punished.”

  “What?” my voice quivered.

  He pulled my hair tighter. “How many more bodies are you going to leave in your wake? The poor fool bound in the water, I don’t know exactly what you did to him, but his pain was palpable and I never laid a hand on him. Then there was the seer, you didn’t even try to save her. No, you just let her suffer. And my favorite,” he droned, “you killed an entire village of innocent fae because you were too busy trying to save yourself.”

  I shook my head. “No. That’s not true,” I cried.

  “The verdict––selfish. The punishment––death.”

  “I don’t want to die.”

  “Don’t you?”

  “No!”

  “Your dreams. Your actions. You don’t value life or the important things that matter because if you did, we wouldn’t be here.”

  Lithia appeared before me and gripped my throat. “Finally. I have been so hungry since you managed to get away. I’m practically starved,” she said with a menacing grin, “and you will be a perfect meal.”

  I tried to speak but between the grip the warden had on my hair and the chokehold Lithia had on my throat, I was fading. What had she meant, ‘I would be a perfect meal’? What the hell was happening? Where were Oliver and Gavin?

  As if on cue, Lithia laughed. “I can see you trying to figure this out so let me make it easy for you. No one is coming to save you. You fell. You landed here in Sacrife, had a chance at redemption but failed. Now you are mine.” She released my throat and ran a long claw-like nail down my cheek, drawing blood. She licked the blood and moaned. “So much sweeter than I assumed. I may need to savor this. Warden, care for a taste?”

  “I did find redemption,” I croaked. “I made my peace, and death or no death, I have that.” With what energy I had left, I wrenched out of the warden’s grasp and pushed Lithia backwards. “What have you done to Gavin and Oliver?” I screamed.